okay so im almost confirmed on the cedar volleyball team!!WoOTs!!but somehow HE just came into my life and maybe things between me and you may not be the same."him or HIM??"that's the question stuck in my head.im really fucked up now.I really don't know what to do anymore.I finally realise the agony of feeling caught and torn between my own feelings.It's indescribable.As i stare into space i have made a realisation that maybe its all my fault.I thought i could forget him that easily after 6 months but after that particular day,all this changed.It dawned on me that i hadn't forgotton him at all.Maybe i just overestimated myself.When he talked to me after that long period of absence from each other,i realised that the phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder is really true.somehow i was just overwhelmed and i think im back in love with him again.I just can't stop thinking about him.Although we are just best friends now,we were ever more than that before after all.Since we drifted,i have NEVER forgotten him.Somehow he will and still always lingers in my heart no matter how far apart we are.Maybe i just didn't realise but actually i was sub-consciously loving him all this while.Till now.It dawns on me stronger than ever.I feel torn.Confused.Caught.Its a mixture of emotions all mixed together upside down.

"My faith in you was fading
When i met you on the outskirts of town.
I said romeo save me i've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
is this in my head i don't know what to think.....
It's a love story baby just say yes."

I'm just wondering if it's me or is it because of the fact that im secretly crazy in love with you that makes me afraid of commitment?For now just let me have a good nights rest.Goodnoght everything.