"Are you cold?" Easy asked when the two of them were sitting on top of the bluffs, overlooking the slow moving Hudson. The sky was lightening to smoky gray, and Easy wanted to watch the sun rise. He put his arm around her shoulders.
The it girl series,Notorious by Cecily Von Ziegesar

I missed having someone to ask if i was cold.I missed having someone sitting with me to watch the sun rise.I missed the feel of someone's arms around me.I missed everything about you.But that has passed."Newfangled" life, "newfangled" mentalities. But deep inside, i know--that i'll never be as insouciant as i was.Never.It's really enigmatic.How i can feel this way.I learnt that copping out of problems is not a way of facing the demons that lie deep within us.Copping out of problems is not a way either.I can't say that i don't feel the knife stabbing at the ebbing pain in my heart whenever i think back.It still hurts.But i'll just have to repress my feelings.Because there's nothing i can do.I doubt there is anything you can do either.But most importantly,i've learnt, the hard and slow way,to let go.No matter how painful it is.The best thing you can do in certain situations where you're in a crossroad,is let go.It's the best for both parties.I don't deny that my world slowly and painfully came crashing down on me when i heard from you.The lights in my world were instinctively cut off.Just one bulb causing the rest to shut off.Pitch black.The mystical eden we shared was doomed.I knew it.But did not face it.But letting go is the only solution.I did not want the end to come.You did not either.But we were forced and there's nothing we can do but leave a special place and mark in each other's hearts and move on.I used to think i did not deserve you.Inferiority.And maybe as a result i did not treasure you.But all that was in the past.I will forgive and forget and move on.Forget the "fuck this shit" attitude and get a positive outlook in life--a little impertinent to my point?i know.But i've come out of this a stronger person and more matured.I have someone with me to help me confront my problems and he is lovely and sweet.I no longer miss having someone to hold,someone to talk to that much anymore.I hope you are okay and don't worry about me.

Though this matter has blown over,i still fight back the tears that sting my eyes and wet my face when i think about what could have been.You chose this path.It was not what you wanted.Not what i wanted.We were forced.But i've found my hero.Someone who helps my pain dissolve into happiness.It's heaven.My current status:lost girl with a hero.I can say that i've forgotten 9-10 month of feelings that i had for you.But the freindship-it's something that i'll never forget.It was wonderful.I cant say that im a conformist in the area where relationships are concerned.I have my opinions.I have to thank all my volleyball teammates,my good friends,bestfriends and all who have showed concern for me when i was down.You guys really helped me pull myself together.Thanks for the tags and letters wrote to me.Looking at you guys' "enthusiastic-ness" i really told myself i had to pull myself together.Thank you guys:DI LOVE YOU!Im okay already.Quoting what i told my current,'Relationships are just merely a part of growing up.They are meant to help you grow and mature and c ome out of each one a stronger indivual.'What he replied struck me.'A relationship is like....a bad one will destroy you and a good one will mould and make you.'I cant exactly remember what he said exactly.but it really struck me.He also played a major part in helping me pick myself up.Thanks to him too.Oh and to this important guy,HAPPY 15th!!Just wanna let him know that 'You're special to me.You hold a special place in my heart.You're special in God's and everyone's eyes.Thanks so much for all you've done for me.'I've picked myself up and moved on.Its joy.But if you still wanna be my friend im always open.I'll never close the door on someone who has left me with so many memories.good and bad.You've helped me to mature and grow into a new individual and im grateful.But i think that its time for both me and you to move on.If i have moved on thought im still bitter in my heart you must too yeah?Okay so now we've both moved on,we'll hold our memories close to our hearts and leave a special place in each other's hearts okay.The end had to come anyway.I hope that you're doing fine cuz i am too.I have found someone i love and i hope you have too.Thanks for everything.I hope we can still be friends.