So i just needed a space where nobody knows to vent my pent up frustration on all the shit that's going on around me recently. This blog's so ancient it hurts. I guess it's pretty much forgotten.
So yeah, you know how sometimes it's just so bloody obvious how you feel for a particular someone but that person still acts or is seemingly oblivious despite your best efforts? I mean do you really need me to tell you in the face how much im beginning to fall for you? People ask me why it's different this time. It just is. With you, i don't see the need to look at other guys, im pretty much satisfied and accepting about your shortcomings, at least the ones i know about currently and the feeling's just, different. But i guess you're just way too preoccupied with your own life to see how much im trying to get to know you. To see how much im trying.
Trying.
I don't really know what to say anymore, it's just that you're becoming so much to me, too much for my own good, and way more than i wuld like you to be. But i honestly don't think i actully mean anything to you. I don't have to be anyone special, just show that you care about me sometimes, can't you? Just a simple "how are you?" or even just a "hi" would mean so much to me. I know i sound like a desperate bitch but i don't really give a shit anymore. Sometimes your actions really cut me down pretty bad, i wish you knew. There are just way too many things i wish you knew. So many. How much i like you, how i want to be someone to you, how much i think about you, how the only reason i fell for you was never because of your physical appearances, how much i like your mysterious aura, how you blow me hot-cold and bring me on an emotionaly roller coaster, how i costantly think about how we met, that day, on that bus, when i finally had the guts to speak to you, the feeling you give me by just speaking to me, how i replay your smile over and over in my head everyday, how that image is still so vivid in my mind even after a week or two of your absence, how much i love the extremely rare times when you smile and are nice and funny, how much i love your smile, how much i love it when your face lights up, how i think im just bloody crazy to like this random guy i met and talked to on a random bus and get so high over him even though it's only been a few weeks since we spoke, how i want you to know how ong i;ve been eyeing you, 2 months? 3months? The list will go on and on and on, and there are so many things i want to tell you that i cant. I hope that someday, you will read me like a book and maybe we will become something more. Words would be unnecessary in our presence because our very presence would mean and speak so much more. I just hope that someday you will find out how i really feel. My heart's given away, to a hopeless romantic that i so happen to like so very much. Do you know? Can you know? Will you ever know? Questions plague me endlessly, till then, bye.

xoxo.

It's a refreshing change to be back here after so many years. I honestly don't know what bunch of crap i've just written, my mind's hazy. But it feels nice to know there will always be this space for me to vent. I dont know how much longer it'll be around for though.